Terms.

Last filed 5 September 2026. This is a storefront with a sense of humor, not a regulated utility.

Syntax Energy Co. operates syntax.energy. By using the site you agree to these terms. If you do not, close the tab. The leak will continue without you.

The joke and the goods. Copy on this site describes harvesting wasted computation, bottling it, and selling offsets. That framing is satire. We sell: (1) digital files and generated certificates, (2) founding reservations for beverages and merch that are not in production, (3) optional enterprise retainers delivered as digital reports and named Grid nodes.

Digital products. Offset certificates, the desktop pack, and named Grid nodes are sold as digital goods. Polar.sh is the merchant of record. Polar collects payment, handles applicable consumer taxes, and issues the receipt. After a successful payment you receive the file, generator, or named-node card on the success page and by email to the address you paid with. Digital goods are delivered immediately. Chargebacks after download are reviewed case by case. Named node labels are stored on the Polar order and may appear on The Grid.

Physical goods. Cans, cases, hoodies, tees, and stickers cannot be purchased here. Checkout files a founding reservation only: name, email, and shipping details stored in your browser unless you also join a waitlist we can actually see. No card is charged for physical SKUs. A reservation is not a prepaid order, not a deposit, and not a guarantee of a ship date.

Enterprise. Spark, Grid, and Blackout are annual digital retainers when sold through Polar. They are not a carbon-credit instrument, not an energy-supply contract, and not an SLA with a public utility. Physical plaques, desk kits, and cans mentioned in the copy ship only if and when those programs exist; until then they are described, not owed.

The bill, the grid, the lab. Syntax bills, burn-rate numbers, futures quotes, and Grid megawatts are generated in your browser for entertainment. They are not an invoice, meter reading, or scientific measurement. Lab certificates marked SE-LAB are free drafts. Only SE-PAID serials from a completed Polar payment are paid originals.

Acceptable use. Do not abuse checkout, webhooks, or forms. Do not scrape the shop to impersonate a utility. Do not represent a Syntax certificate as a regulated carbon offset or as proof of energy generation.

Limitation. The site is provided as-is. We are not liable for lost profits, wounded architecture, or a performance review that cited the certificate. Digital refunds, if any, are processed by Polar according to their policy and applicable law.

Questions about a Polar charge go to Polar’s customer support first, then to support@syntax.energy if you still need us.